Flunking Chemistry Class: the Baseball Players

Flunking Chemistry Class is a parody of the steroid era in Major League Baseball. The novel lampoons the sport as it chronicles some of MLB?s absurd attempts to abort the PEDs abuse scandal, which made a mockery of the national pastime over the last 20 years. The author creates a mythical MBL or Multinational Baseball League that includes domestic franchises such as the Bronx Bloomers, the Hollywood Hedgers and the Metropolitan Mutts. It also introduces some international franchises such as the Sydney Kangaroos and the Seoul Searchers and a global commissioner, Buzz Selout. None of the known cheaters get spared in the book. From Corky Samuels, (the ?so so outfielder? for the Chicago Gumballers,) and Popeye Maloney (the crybaby of the St Louis Scarlets) to A Dork, the sleazy third baseman of the Bronx Bloomers and Barney Bombs the massive leftfielder of the Bay City Mammoths, the characters all have a familiar feel to the avid baseball fan. The author follows the logic that the cover-up is as bad as the crime and ensures that the baseball establishment is appropriately satirized (sodomized?) as well. Bass Sledgehammer the owner of the Bloomers and Buzz Selout the MBL commissioner are the face of that establishment and they take their lumps along with the ?floats? who do their work on the diamond. ********** Three separate plot lines weave together in this baseball tapestry. The most sympathetic plot line follows the hilarious travails of pitcher Sam Crockett, a five tool prospect from Texas as he winds his way through the minor league systems of several MBL teams. Crockett spends the better part of ten years trying to make it to The Show, with stop offs in towns such as Moose Butt, Montana and Beaufort North Carolina. He even does a gig in the backwater towns of Japan. Along the way his progress is frequently blocked by players who get ahead by cheating through the use of performance enhancing drugs. This plot line also details the ?26th man,? multi-billion dollar class action law suit, which threatens the antitrust exemption of the Multinational Baseball League and eventually reinvigorates Crockett?s career. A parallel plot line follows the misadventures of Lester Postal, a sportswriter for the tabloid paper The New York Roast, as he looks to expose the soft underbelly of the conspiracy between the MBL and the players association, the MBLPA. Postal generates tabloid worthy headline stories as he embarks on a mission to ensure that steroid cheaters (a/k/a Floats) never make it to the Corridor of Conceit. He takes on all comers in his relentless attack on steroid abuse and eventually helps his fifth wife - lawyer, Georgette Postal - as she prepares an eleven figure anti-trust suit. The third storyline covers the activities of the many Floats in the MBL during a twenty year period between 1998 and 2018 as they pass through events such as the Earth Series; congressional hearings; The Witchell-Hunt Report and an absurd talk-radio interview, which follows an arbitration hearing. This storyline loosely follows an historical perspective on the game of baseball and the players who do their work on the diamond. Every year seems to bring about a new scandal that exposes still more players to the scrutiny of the fans who want an honest game. The parallel plot lines finally intersect in a surprising ending that allows the reader to speculate about the future of chemistry in the game of baseball.